Towards Thriving Cover

February 18, 2019

Over a month into the new year, the Idaho Coalition staff continue to embrace and lift up the practice of gratitude for all who support and help lead the work to end gender violence and who share our vision of a world where everyone is valued, everyone is safe, and everyone can thrive.

We are thankful for our staff who are committed to and passionate for this work. We are thankful for our dedicated and supportive board of directors. We are extremely thankful for the community and tribal domestic and sexual violence member programs who engage in life-saving work for individuals and families impacted by gender violence. Similarly, we are thankful for the 40+ organizational members, ranging from the culturally-specific organizations like The Community Council of Idaho and the Idaho Rescue Committee to anti-violence-related organizations like the Idaho Council on Domestic Violence and Idaho Children’s Trust Fund to governmental agencies like the Idaho Department of Health and Welfare Sexual Violence Prevention Program and Idaho Head Start Collaboration Office and many more collaborating organizations.

Additional moments and individuals we are thankful for from last year and the past few months which embody the Idaho Coalition’s values of Compassion, Interconnectedness, Leading Boldly, Social Equity, and Liberation include the following:

  • Monique Morris, Ed.D., author of Push Out: Criminalization of Black Girls in School who spoke to over 300 community members and students about her book;
  • Bill Tamayo from Equal Employment Opportunity Commission (EEOC) and community members who work on the intersections of immigration, employment and sexual violence who gathered for a discussion and screening of Rape on the Night Shift;
  • Community members who attended the AORTA Challenging Oppression/Building Equity training;
  • Ana Cecilia Pérez, Heidi López and Claudia León from the Latino Equity Project who led the Decolonizing Our Futures Training for over 30 Idaho Latinx leaders;
  • Advocates who attended the Building Competence and Resilience in Children and Parents: The Advocate as Change Agent training led by Zulema (Ruby) White Starr (Founder and Director of LUPE), Neena McConnico (Child Witness to Violence Project), and Mie Fukuda (FUTURES);
  • The Idaho Coalition member programs, partners, and survivors who participated in the development and launch of the Latinx Thriving Families Campaign;
  • The new 2018 executive directors and existing executive directors who are part of a learning community that focused on sexual assault in dual programs;
  • Our continued partnership with Melba High School to implement a comprehensive approach to violence prevention that capitalizes on the power of peer and cultural influence thru their implementation of the Green Dot program;
  • The Idaho teachers and students who participated in the 2018 We Choose All of Us Campaign to create culture shifts in secondary schools and communities and incorporate themes of belonging, community, social equity, stronger together, collective humanity, and other values that reflect our interdependence as human beings;
  • The opportunity for the Idaho Coalition staff to be plenary speakers at National Sexual Assault Conference and National Coalition Against Domestic Violence Conference;

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  • Leadership from Idaho Coalition youth activists Oluwabukola Ogunrinola and Fanisee Bias who were among the featured speakers at the Women’s March and Rally in early 2018;
  • Idaho Coalition youth activists Monique Kitnikone, Fanisee Bias and Alyssa Wainaina who spoke, and Oluwabukola Ogunrinola who participated in the #Enough Walkout Rally with over 2,000 Idaho students at the Statehouse in response to the Parkland school shooting in 2018;
  • The 75+ Our Gender Revolution applications we received in 2018 who were interested in being part of the Youth Network;
  • The 5,000+ community members who showed up to the Separation of Families Rallies;
  • Norma Wong who led a four-day Transformational Movement Leadership training for 40 Idaho participants from across movements and three state coalitions;
  • Idaho Coalition 15-year-old activists, Layla, Jessica, and Charlotte, who courageously wrote a letter in support of Dr. Christine Blasey Ford’s disclosure of her sexual assault at 15-years of age by then 17-year-old Supreme Court Judge Brett Kavanaugh and the 117,000+ online signatures in support of the open letter posted on;
  • Boise Bicycle Project for hosting their annual Holiday Kids Bike Giveaway where the Idaho Coalition staff volunteered and where over 500 young people received bicycles before the holiday;
  • For 2019 Womnx March on Idaho attendees and Idaho Coalition college activist Alyssa Wainaina and Rep. Melissa Wintrow who were inspiring emcees, and Idaho Coalition youth activists Charlotte, Layla and Jessica, who powerfully spoke on the letter and sexual violence and the need to be midwives of the birth of the emergent world view;
  • The Idaho teachers and students who again are sharing our new 2019 We Choose All of Us Campaign which is inspired by the power of graphic novels to change the societal conditions that allows violence in all its forms to occur – the many ways we devalue and “other” human beings based on social identities of gender, race, ability, and more; our disconnection from ourselves and each other; and our need to heal intergenerational trauma;
  • For all program members and advocates who participated in and supported the first Domestic and Sexual Violence Advocacy Day at the Legislature;
  • For each of the executive directors who participated and engaged in the February (2019) Executive Director’s Learning Community that focused on programs’ history, highlights and barriers; and where we learned more on the impact of historical trauma among Indigenous survivors.

With hearts full, we look forward to cultivating and strengthening deep relationships, partnership and learning in 2019.

Micaela Ríos Anguiano

Micaela Ríos Anguiano

Reach out to me for:

  • Culturally and linguistically-specific/accessible services
  • Working with immigrant survivors
  • Grant administration

Post Separation Domestic Abuse & Violence | Understanding the Connection After Separation

It may be assumed that the nature, trauma & harm, impact & multidimensional consequences of Domestic Violence & Abuse (DVA) end after adult and child victims separate from their perpetrators, but the reality is far from this. Post separation DVA (PSDVA) is a major but highly misunderstood issue that continues to shape & control the lives of adult & child victims after separation from their perpetrators.

Most importantly, post separation is the most dangerous phase for victims. Risk of grievous harm, and threat to life is greatest at this stage.

Perpetrators may present themselves as changed men, but these are usually attempts to regain ’trust’ from victims, relatives, & even professionals. They may also use their ‘presented change’ to influence friends and relatives to pressure victims to reconcile with them, but again these would be attempts to regain control and dominance over their victims.

Many victims separate from their abusive partner hoping to be free from fear, violence and abuse, but perpetrators relentlessly pursue them at post separation, even if they flee to another country. They use every effort and guise to regain their control & dominance over their victims, even through pseudo illnesses, & misuse of legal proceedings.

Perpetrators may present themselves as changed men, but these are usually attempts to regain ’trust’ from victims, relatives, & even professionals. They may also use their ‘presented change’ to influence friends and relatives to pressure victims to reconcile with them, but again these would be attempts to regain control and dominance over their victims.

Separated women are more likely to experience violence than married women, and it is most common for women to experience violence from a male ex-partner.

It may be that violence follows separation, or the decision to separate is due to violence. International studies indicate that leaving a violent partner may increase the risk of more severe, or even fatal, violence.

Research also shows that women are at the greatest risk of homicide at the point of separation, or after leaving their perpetrator; 50% -75% of DVA murders occur at the point victims are trying to flee; & that incidents at post-separation are also more grievous.

Young women are more likely to have recently experienced violence than older women. Researchers suggest that inexperience, age differences in relationships, and lack of access to services exacerbate younger women’s vulnerability to violence. Young men are more likely to hold pro-violence attitudes, and research indicates that pro-violence attitudes decrease with age.

The Separation Cycle (click to continue reading)

At first, the abuser says such things as, “Go ahead and leave. I don’t care. I’ve got lots of women after me. I don’t need you.”

They will introduce a new girlfriend to the children. Do things they wouldn’t do with the victim (dance classes, date nights, etc.)

Manipulative people have mastered the art of deception. They may appear respectable and sincere but often that’s just a facade; it’s a way to draw you in and ensnare you in a relationship before they show their true colors.

Manipulative people can play the victim, making you seem to be the one who caused a problem which they began but won’t take responsibility for. They can be passive aggressive or nice one minute and standoffish the next, to keep you guessing and to prey on your fears and insecurities. They often make you defensive. They can also be extremely aggressive and vicious, resorting to personal attacks and criticism, dogged in their pursuit of getting what they want. They bully and threaten, and won’t let up or let go until they wear you down.

It is true that certain manipulative interactions start as voluntary until they hit the point of No Return.

Manipulation intends to influence the targets autonomy without limiting their liberty in a physical sense. Thought Manipulation: The Use and Abuse of Psychological Trickery.

The abuser tries to hook the victim back into the relationship – and succeeds in more than a few cases. The abuser begins to court the survivor again, perhaps with a trip down memory lane: “Remember when we met?’ “Remember when the baby was born?”

He also promises to change: ‘I’ll quit drinking.” “I’ll get counseling.” He won’t discuss his choice to use abuse; he will talk only about past good times and the promise of good times to come. He says he wants her back.

Defamation of character occurs when someone makes a false statement about you that causes you some type of harm. The statement must be published (meaning some third party must have heard it), false, and it must result in harm, usually to the reputation.

Lies are told or secrets are told about the survivor to everyone who knows her. The goal is to isolate her socially and to wipe out any support she might have among friends and family. Many times, the woman does not know about the lies. Some of the most common lies is that the woman was having an affair, she is mentally ill, lies that can be used to justify his abusive or violent behavior.

Once he recognizes the survivor is not coming back to him, he renews his manipulative “anger”. The victim may be in danger. The abuser is more likely to carry out threats he made during the relationship and earlier in the separation cycle.

As PSDVA is highly misunderstood by professionals, the courts & society, adult & child victims experience harm & trauma, for much longer, yet this is preventable. For 50% of victims, their struggle for freedom from violence & abuse results in their murder. It has to be noted that perpetrators will present themselves as “devoted dads” to professionals, the courts, society, & faith communities, yet committing PSDVA to their victims at the same time. Therefore, reports of victims are usually undermined, as the views of the courts, professionals, & society conflict with the actual experiences of victims.

– Teena R. McBride, Executive Director
Domestic Violence & Sexual Assault Center

What does the census mean for those fleeing domestic violence or stalking?

The American Community Survey is an ongoing survey administered by the US Census Bureau. Its results are used by the public, private and non-profit sectors to track demographic shifts, allocate funding, and learn more about the needs of communities. It is administered in about 3.5 million addresses per year, nation-wide. Because of the important information that is gathered through the American Community Survey, it is mandatory and those who do not respond to surveys through mail or phone may receive visits to their home from Census Bureau personnel. For some of your clients, this may mean extra anxiety or fear if an unknown individual comes to their door to collect information, particularly if that client is fleeing violence and trying to keep their location confidential.

But did you know that the Census Bureau employs Respondent Advocates that can help you and your clients navigate how to respond to the survey? I recently contacted Respondent Advocate, Ruth Chan, and she provided some helpful tips on what to do if you are working with a client who has concerns about completing the survey. First and foremost, the Census Bureau advocates are always available to help. To contact an advocate, call 1-888-609-0563, or email Additionally, Ruth provided the following information and advice:

  • The American Community Survey, which is the only mandatory survey of the Census Bureau and is part of the decennial census, can be completed over the phone as well at 1-800-354-7271. The website has instructions on how this can be done.
  • All survey information is strictly confidential. A person’s identity and a person’s answers cannot be traced back together again. One of the first things that the Census Bureau does when it receives a form is separate names from the rest of the answers. All data is encrypted, technologically safeguarded, and legally mandated to remain confidential. Additionally, this information is combined together to create statistics for larger groups of people.
  • If a person is unable to complete the survey on their own, a proxy who has been given permission can also answer the survey for them in their stead. This can be arranged ahead of time and can also be completed over the phone. The proxy should indicate to an interviewer that a respondent is unable to physically or mentally respond for themselves. Sample forms that lists the questions to be answered, can be found at
  • All Census Bureau employees are instructed to identify themselves by name with an official government ID card. Their names and official government email address (not phone numbers, unfortunately) can be entered in as verification. Here is a website with additional tips on how to identify a Census Bureau employee:
  • If there are concerns about an interviewer coming to a client’s home, there are accommodations that can be made. An interviewer can be re-assigned if a person of the same gender is preferred, or if there are language barriers. A more convenient time can be arranged, too. Mark Hendrick ( at the Denver Regional Office can help with these arrangements.

Thank you to Rhoda from Priest River Ministries for alerting us to this issue!

Annie Pelletier Hightower

Annie Pelletier Hightower

Reach out to me for:

  • Law and Policy
  • Legislative Updates
  • Title IX

Training & Events

Five Core Elements of Youth Organizing
Wednesday, February 20th, 2019, 8:30AM – 5:00PM | Thursday, February 21st, 2018, 8:30AM – 3:00PM
The Linen Building, 1402 W Grove Street, Boise, ID 83702

Join us for this free two-day workshop sponsored and facilitated by Idaho Coalition Against Sexual & Domestic Violence for OVW Rural grantees. Trainers include Idaho Coalition youth leaders Dalton Tiegs and Tanisha Newton, Kelly Miller and Jennifer Martinez along with Stephanie Ortiz from End Abuse Wisconsin.

This interactive two-day workshop is designed to build your skills and knowledge on each of the five elements through small group work and experiential learning activities to actively involve you and draw on your experiences and knowledge.

OVW Rural grantees and their partners are encouraged to attend! Limited to 50 participants.

Learn more and register here.

Idaho Coalition Store Materials

Engaging Voices Website StoreReminder that shipping for all material orders made by Programs on the Idaho Coalition website store is FREE of cost, please use the below coupon for all orders.

Visit the online store to view current Idaho Coalition materials available for order. For store questions, please contact Lacey Sinn.

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